In episode three of Cocktail Party Massacre, we discussed Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, an insanely ridiculous but totally watchable (and quotable) movie about sex workers who worship at the altar of an ancient Egyptian chainsaw god.
No need to reread that last sentence, by the way. You read it correctly:
An ancient Egyptian chainsaw god.
Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers is a bizarre mix of exploitation and unintended feminism. On the one hand, you have all-too-familiar male gaze camera shots ogling gratuitously nude female figures – pure objectification. Then, on the other hand, you have anti-heroines, this chainsaw-wielding cult of sex workers who dominate their johns, who – despite their profession – have full ownership of their bodies and their sinister agendas. Is it a stretch to call this movie progressive? Probably. But if any of these murderous mavens were to make that claim, I wouldn’t dare disagree with them.
But now, to the task at hand.
What kind of cocktail can you pair with this raucous splatter flick?
In one of the opening scenes, streetwalking Mercedes (played by Michelle Bauer) orders a ‘Screeeeeeeaming Orgasm’ at a dive bar. Never wanting to take the easy way out, I decided to use this somewhat classic creamy cocktail as my springboard for creating something better – something as cold as the hearts of these Hollywood hookers.
For a chainsaw movie, you need a drink that requires a little blending – something that can vaguely emulate that hellish roaring buzz of a chainsaw. So…I created a spiked smoothie that’s a synch to pull off in a blender.
Enter: The Deadly Orgasm.
To serve two:
2 frozen bananas
1 cup of full fat coconut milk (from a can – never a carton)
2 tbsp of peanut or almond butter
1 tsp of honey
2 shooters of rye whisky
If you want your smoothie even thicker, add ½ cup of ice.
Put all these ingredients in a blend, and let that fake chainsaw ROAR!